Ghosting is nothing new, I just think people are less embarrassed to talk about it now. Let's be real, when someone just dips, vanishes off the face of the earth on you, that shit hits your pride hard (at least it does for me). I'm glad to say that it doesn't happen often, but the 3 times it did, well 2, was too many. Just so y'all know, when I say ghosted, I mean no reason to expect it, "hope you still alive", "well damn, am I a joke", "are you in jail" type ghosting. If I notice you pulling away or I get short responses, I don't count it as ghosting. These are people who I legit forgot about until I decided to do this story time. Anyways, here's what happened.
So the first time I got ghosted, I was caught completely off guard. The fact that I refuse to hound people probably didn't help the situation none. Everything seemed to be cool, no bumpin' heads, vibe was cool, all fun and games. To this day I don't know what happened. I ain't conceited, but I know I ain't ugly. Maybe a lil' stubborn, but not unbearable. I'm a real deal homie. We had been chillin' for a few months. Nothin' serious, but we had a mutual respect for each other. If something came off sideways, we had no problems addressing it. Not gone lie, sex wasn't his strong suit, but I genuinely enjoyed his company, so I bit the bullet on that. It was a good situationship. The last day we spoke, we had been hangin' all day. We went to Dave & Busters, saw a movie, and chilled at his place after. Beside the fact that we were both sore losers, we really had a good time. Nothin' in my eyes seemed off. I really wasn't talkin' to anyone else, so there was nothing to find out either. The next morning on my way out, it was all hugs and kisses as usual. The routine " I'll hit you up later" ended up being never lol. I did reach out asking if he was ok, but I never got a response. I assumed that he had another chick or somethin' and tossed it to the wind. Fast forward a year and a half, guess who pops up in my Facebook messages..... Yes, Mr. Ghost. Apparently he found out he had a baby on the way and wanted to do the right thing. I don't see why that couldn't be said. That actually makes since to cut someone off. But just disappearing out the blue? Nah, I'm good. If you do it once, you can easily do it again. So, one of the reasons you may be ghosted is because your person has a secret family and doesn't want you to know.
This next time was my fault, I can admit that. This dude was that one that you already know ain't gone do right. The type that you see first hand gone try the fuck out you and stress you out. Me being hard headed, I like a challenge Nesha, I went for it anyway. I had no intentions of trying to make this into something long term, I'm not that naive. However, I do eat with my eyes, and I was determined to get at least 1 try. This dude was nowhere near as regular as the first, it was more of a heated game of tag. Taking forever to write each other back, not talkin' all day, then writing at disrespectful hours just to be petty, we were both trying to prove that we wouldn't submit. One day tho, all the stars and planets aligned. We both ended up in the same restaurant picking up food with nothing to do. One thing I can say about me, I can smell good dick from a mile away, and boy was his marvelous. Everything you could want and more, attached to the most incompatible person in the world. Instantly, it changed to a I love you when I'm with you, but don't talk to me in public type energy. I'ma do me, but don't make me cuss you out, all around the board toxic. It was cute and fun at first, but it got old for me fast. After the chase ended, I lost interest, I was always down to link up tho. I feel like dude caught on because he started getting more jealous. Just doin' ignorant shit to try and make me mad. Me being young Nesha, (a far cry from where I am today) I one-upped him at his own game. I started going to clubs I avoided, just so I could get dolled up and let him see just how many options I really had. He had too much pride to say something in public, but he was always within eye shot. I ain't never had my phone blown up like that before. Eventually, I answered, and I got an earful. This let me know that I had finally won the battle. My goal was complete so I really didn't have a reason to deal with the drama anymore. Somewhere in the mist of the argument, I just threw it out there, "You act like we go together." The phone got so quiet, half a second later, CLICK, and the end call tone played. I expected him to come back around but I guess I really crossed the line lol. He blocked me on everything and I never saw him again. That's what made it a true ghosting, it's been 10+ years and I still have never seen or heard from this dude.
The third time was a charm. This dude was everything I wanted right on time. I don't know who sent him or where he went, but it was a perfect situationship. This dude was someone I linked up with on a whim. I wasn't looking for anything serious and he fit the bill perfect. You know, when you just want someone to go through the motions with, but you're not sure if you really wanna settle down yet. This was the most unorganized ghosting of them all. In the beginning, I had something else I had been working on come through. Sooooo, I guess you can say I ghosted him initially. Well, that thing fell through so I tried to ease my way back in. Lucky me, he had nothing better to do. We started kicking it again from scratch, and things went really good. Nothing was rushed or overbearing, we was just going through the motions. I can't speak for him, but I was still looking for the next best thing. It was to have an Ace in my back pocket, but I knew it wasn't what I wanted. Occasionally we'd be together and one of our other "options'' would call, but we never tripped on each other. When I tell y'all everything was so chill, it was like the ultimate smoke section without being high. The only and major problem was we knew we didn't want to be stuck with each other indefinitely. We both knew we couldn't keep up the charade forever, but he went overboard when he ghosted me. I talked to him that morning and was ghosted by that night. Not a hint or break in character. Had me lookin' real crazy when I got ignored, TWICE! I know comin' up after the last ghosting this is mild karma, but Y'all, I would have felt better if he just let the phone ring. Getting a call ignored is worse than being left on read! I never saw or heard from this dude again either. In his case, I've always hoped he found someone he was actually happy with because he was a good dude, we just wanted different things in life.
So how do my ghostings line up? Are they worse than normal? Pretty common? No matter who it comes from, it's a humbling experience. I may not have shown remorse when it happened, but I didn't question myself a bit. It made me realize that somebody will always see you as disposable. It's up to you to decipher if you were a catalyst or that person just didn't recognize your value. Either way, lick your wounds and bounce back better than before. Focus on you and let the glowup bring someone who compliments your light.