There's something unique about the type of pain that comes from tainted love. Why, how is it that something so superficial has the ability to bring us to such a low place? The right combination of words, in a way we don't want to hear them, feel just as physically crippling as the flu. Getting your heart broken is something you can never truly prepare yourself for, no matter if you expect it or not. It may seem harsh and hopeless at the time, but there's always a rainbow waiting after the storm. I can honestly say that some of the most important lessons I've learned in life were from the worst situations, heartbreaks included. Looking back, I understand why those things needed to happen, and I'm actually grateful. If you can gather the strength to look at the sky instead of the ground, you can find guidance that can't be revealed any other way. Here are a few reasons why I feel like heartbreaks are necessary.
- You learn how to stand on your own two feet
In the mists of turmoil, nothing anyone tells you truly soothes you. You have to go through your own process, and make sense of everything on your own terms. You have to come to the realization that nobody can help you but you. In licking your wounds and regrouping, you'll see that you've always been capable of supporting yourself, you just didn't believe it until you were forced to.
- You realize how resilient you are
You thought you would never be able to move on but you did. Maybe it took weeks, months, and in the worst cases years, but once you reach that mountain peak, you'll feel so invigorated and restored. You'll feel better than you did being dependent on that person's validation. As the clouds clear, you remember your value and regain sights on everything else joyous in your life.
- You learn to set boundaries
The more you care, the more you tend to give. Failed relationships highlight self-sabotaging tenancies, and unhealthy expectations. Even the most loving relationships are not without fault. When your head is too high in the clouds, you become blinded to unsustainable behaviors. Setting healthy boundaries set the tone for what each of you are willing to tolerate, and will give insight on what can become issues in the future. If you notice something that you aren't willing to accept from a person, make it known and try to resolve the issue. Don't blur the line and hope or expect a person to change. If that change never comes, you're setting yourself up for disappointment.
- You become more familiar with what you want in relationships
You thought they were everything you wanted until you had them. Somethings can't be known without them being experienced, but that doesn't mean to force it once you realize it's not a good fit. There is no clear definition for love. Everyone has their own interpretation and expression. A true heartbreak will let you know quick if you are deluding yourself or you actually have feelings for someone. In being misloved by others, we reflect on how we express love. The cycle causes us to reevaluate our understanding and pinpoint how we can improve our expression. It also shows us how we want to be loved. If you choose to believe that you are deserving of that love, you stop settling for less just to be with someone.
- You realize just how many other people are in the world
In building yourself back up and letting go, you start to notice that personalities are a dime a dozen. Once you accept that someone is out there for you, you'll notice just how many options there are to choose from. Whatever you focus on is what you will attract. If you think about red cars, you're going to notice more red cars. Not to say that you won't come across incompatible people, but you will notice more traits that you like and have more pleasant experiences overall. There are millions of people where you are. No two people are the exact same but you have friends that are eerily similar to you right? A partner is no different. Many people possess a similar combination of traits, if you shift your focus to the collective, they'll be easier to recognize when you cross paths.
- You learn to love yourself
Through it all, you find yourself. You can't give something that you don't have. You'll become so comfortable and confident in being yourself that finding a partner is just the icing on the cake. You start to radiate and attract similar energy. People notice when someone is content in themselves. It makes you a beacon for others on the same frequency, yet intimidating to those who haven't reached that level yet. You communicate better, and you take things less personal when they don't work out. You actually know that you will be loved regardless, so you don't have to short change yourself to stay in a situation that doesn't suit you.
It may be rough right now, but I promise it will get better if you have faith it will. Be mindful that there is no set time frame on how healing progresses. Everything happens in your own personal time. Just be kind to yourself and allow the growth to happen. You got this, you deserve to be loved in a healthy way, and you can have the love of your life if you allow it to happen.