Is A Hoe Phase A Bad Thing?

  Hear me out, when I say a hoe phase, I'm not talking about a sex life comparable to prostitution AND I'm speaking about men and women. Everybody has a different idea of what is an acceptable number of past partners. Some use a weekly or monthly amount, while others use a total count. I personally don't agree with a total number because depending on how old a person is the weight changes. For example, let's say the number of partners in question is 15. If we're talking about a 15 year old (yes, it happens) in my opinion, that's a bit more than what I would say is regular. Now, the same 15 is in question, but this time we're talking about someone who's 23. To me that's extremely low. Here's my reasoning.

  For the 15 year old, because they are so young, the amount of people is compressed over a shorter period of time. If they started having sex that year, that's 15 in a year, just over 1 new person a month. For the 23 year old, that's about 3 new people a year IF they started having sex at 18. If they started sooner that number drops. This is why I base my opinion on a monthly average. I feel like 1 new partner a month is more than reasonable.

  Now we can get to the juicy part. It’s a worldwide standard for women to a lower variety of partners compared to men. Some reasons are religious, some spiritual, others based on taboos and stigmas. The only issue I have with the harsh standard is, how are you supposed to learn what you enjoy if you never experience anything? This goes for men and women alike, even though it's more acceptable for men to have more partners. Sexual compatibility is something people never speak on, but I think it's just as important as mental and physical compatibility. If you've only been exposed to one thing your entire life, you don't get the opportunity to branch out and find what you like and dislike. You're basically accepting things as a standard because you don't know any better or worse.

  I AM NOT saying that you should try to fix a problem that's not there. If you're dating or married to your first love and couldn't be happier, kudos and best wishes. If it don't apply to your situation let it fly! I'm talking about those who are unhappy or indifferent, but don't want to explore because of how they may be viewed. It takes some trial and error before you start to really notice your preferences so you can define a comfort zone. Now I'm going to sound like a hoe in saying this, but, you figure out what you like in bed a lot faster with casual hookups than going through the process of getting into a committed relationship.

   You can meet someone, hang out for a while, decide to have sex, love it or hate it, then consider a relationship where you know you're happy with the person physically, mentally, and sexually in a month easy. With the relationship route, people tend to be more guarded so they may progress slower, you can see if you're a good match mentally, and you wouldn't be meeting with them if you weren't already attracted physically. But, the big but, is you can be head over hills of a person, and when you finally decide to get sexually involved 1-3 months down the line, it's awful. Now you can luck up and it be the best you've ever had, but it can also be so horrible that you'll feel guilted into staying because you already like or love the person. 

   For me, that's a big flaw to overlook. Not because I'm a vain person, but because sex is more important in a relationship than people let on. The reason why people show restraint is not because it's natural to be with one person, people show restraint because they're using the logic of their situation. If I'm happy all around the board, I don't feel like it's a good trade off to tip toe out on someone, it's not logical. (I don't condone cheating, just giving a scenario) That brings me back to knowing what you like. If your sex life with someone isn't on par for you, but you know what you like, you can make suggestions and try to salvage the situation without shorting yourself.  

  I think it's healthy for people to have a hookup or hoe phase at some point in their life. Looking past the sex part, it's a great way to learn what's "normal" and experience being cordial with someone on a more intimate level, without the stress of trying to keep a "perfect" relationship. Since you're not actually with the person, you have more freedom to learn how to compromise and communicate when you two bump heads since nothing is really at stake. I think the greatest part is just being able to learn different people, not just in a sexual way.

   Everyone you come across may not cross over to an actual hookup. When you keep an open mind, you can find friendships in people you'd never expect. Is a hoe phase a good thing? I guess my opinion is yes, just hoe responsibly. I'm glad that I know who I am as a person  because I became comfortable voicing my opinions and learned how to communicate better with different types of people. Again, if this doesn't sit well with you, that's fine, you know what best for you. Just be mindful that everyone has different views, and the only opinion that affects your life is your own.

Leave a comment