Y’all, can we take a minute to talk about ulterior motives when trying to get to know someone. There are a lot of situations that should be discussed prior to accepting (long distance trips), just to make sure you’re both on the same page, but tit for tat tactics to get a phone number is not one of them. Don’t try to play nice and giving just because you think it’s gonna get you the result you want, and this goes for men and women alike. Nobody is obligated to give you anything in return for your time, even if it’s a verbal agreement, it’s rude af not to honor your own words, but people change they mind all the time.
Ima start with the minor offenses and work my way up. Offering a drink, some other minor purchase or favor under false pretenses, the key word being offer. If it’s that serious, ask for what you want first then buy or do whatever after you get what you wanted. Nobody has time to go back and forth about something you played off as a gift, but in reality you wanted to stroke your own ego. No, a drink doesn’t equal a phone number. No, chillin doesn’t equal a free meal. No, doin a favor for someone doesn’t mean they have to fuck you or give you something for free. The only people that’s gonna work on are the ones who are just as opportunistic as you. You can bounce back from some of these things, but they definitely rub people the wrong way.
Next up, radar offenses. Radar offenses are things that throw up red flags, but don’t necessarily scream run away initially. When people have a personality while they’re with you solo, and a completely different demeanor if anyone’s around, a real deal "which way is the wind blowing today" personality, radar offense. I kid y’all not when I say I've had some people try to make it look like I was they eye candy footstool... They would send a text to tell me to call them, then when I call, they act like I’m botherin’ them or just chose to hit them up ot the blue. I’ve even seen first hand some people will treat a person like dirt in public, soooo many types of disrespectful, but they a match made in heaven when they alone. Like what…. WHAT!? It’s so mind boggling trying to figure out what is goin’ on in some people head. Just walk away, don’t even try to figure it out.
Now to the funnest, most controversial types of offenses of all, disqualified. Look, when you get disqualified, there’s no return or forgiveness in the foreseeable future. Even I, who speaks regularly on letting things go and moving on, WILL NOT be the bigger persons in these circumstances. I’m workin’ to be a better me everyday, but nah. Leading a double life is not as complex as it seems. If you have someone under the impression that you or a situation are a certain way, and the reality is you having your cake and eating it too, disqualified. Let me explain. Say you claim to be single, no prospects, last relationship was toxic and y'all don't speak (or minimal with kids), and you just tryin to find your spark for life again. In reality, you a regular smash & dash, you live with your ex even though y’all not “together”, or you keep gettin’ caught up because you constantly fuckin’ people over. Maybe on the flip side, you claim to be busy, keep in touch when it’s convenient or need something, or only come through when none of your other options respond. No time for it, disqualified.
As I said in the beginning, all these scenarios go for men and women alike. I get it, nobody likes rejection, but gettin’ mad because your mind games backfire doesn’t work either. That shits for the birds. Be straight forward and take that denial like a champ. If that person wasn’t it, on to the next one and possibly the best one. It’s too many people in this world to deal with the bullshit from day 1 and not be able to get a straight intent or answer. Get out there and live your best life, no mind games required.